I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize