My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
