Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
