Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize