I look better un-naked...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
