Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
