This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
