Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize