I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
