so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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