Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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