wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
