im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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