Already got asked if we're dating
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
