God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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