im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
