I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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