FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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