Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
