I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I only lived at night.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
