so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
