walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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