if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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