she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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