i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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