some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
