you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
