I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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