Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
