yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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