We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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