there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
