i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
