i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
