i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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