hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
