Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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