how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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