dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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