My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
