True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
