I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
