I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
