I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
