Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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