I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
