Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
