My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
