Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
