Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
