I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
