I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
