This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
