Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize