Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize