Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
