my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
