Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
