You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just blew my weed a kiss
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
