This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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