My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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