I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
