I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
