Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
