if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
