when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize