think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
