so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
