You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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