I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So many bounce houses so little time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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