there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
