Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
